I would bet you a nickel that this is the song the Magnetic Fields open with on their upcoming Realism tour. It’s jangley, funny and sets the tone they like to keep in their live show. The video, unfortunately, is not that much to look at. It’s long cuts of video from just about 100 years ago wherein people dance. Sooo… I’m going to take this opportunity to talk about the new Magnetic Fields record very briefly. Sorry, but guys, I’ve got to get this off my chest.

I’m literally a fan of every Magnetic Fields record up until this point. There’s no bad record. Any lackluster song in their catalogue is almost always followed by one that would bring you to tears. For the past two decades, Stephin Merritt managed to build up one of the most respected careers in music. But man, Realism is a snooze.

I realized that Realism was the first Magnetic Fields record to let me down when it failed the halfway-sarcastic test I invented to ask my co-workers whether they really enjoyed that album we just listened to or if they were just being nice. Once the album is finished, I ask “tell me anything about that album.” If they can’t mention a song that stood out or a particularly good riff, then we’d actually been treating it as background music rather than a listening experience. The first to be subjected to the test was Pearl Jam’s newest — it was also the first to fail it. So at the end of Realism I was deflated to discover that I had nothing to say about the album. It had passed by without leaving me anything of substance. Literally all I could say was “there was a song about a Hootenanny and a song about dolls having a tea party” and that’s only because the subject matter was memorably strange.

After repeated listens, I’ve got to regretfully say that Realism comes across like a 69 Love Songs b-sides record. It’s all songs that wouldn’t be out of place as strong filler tracks, but there’s nothing really memorable here. I mean, when I’ve played the 69LS’ non-single “It’s a Crime” five to ten times this week and the new record once… it’s a bad sign.

But yes, I still love them. Yes, Stephin Merritt is still in my list of top songwriters. Yes I will buy this album on vinyl. I just had to express my displeasure in the fact that there is now a weak Magnetic Fields record and what’s worse… there’s a chance this could be the first Magnetic Fields record someone hears. So do your civic duty: make your friends a Magnetic Fields mix tape or buy them a copy of your favorite record. Do it for the kids.