Heroes season 2 ended last night with more of a whimper than a bang. Spoilers ahead. And I know, writers strike. Blah blah.

The best thing I can do to start off is to point you to this interview with Heroes creator Tim Kring wherein he apologizes for season 2. Everything in it is fairly spot on, with a special emphasis on the new characters and lack of any sense of danger.

Heroes nerds continue below… Music nerds will get your fill in a little bit.

I think most Heroes fans can agree that season two is the red-headed stepchild to the first. Anything you disliked about the chapter one, you really disliked in chapter two. The pace was sluggish, and the plot disjointed. Very early on I found myself asking “why should I care?” Season one started with the information that New York would soon become a wasteland courtesy of a “big boom.” Season two started with… nothing. Claire moved, Peter had no memories and Nathan was a drunk. For the first half of the season, I thought the big problem was going to arise from Maya’s black death abilities. Surely there had to be a reason for her inclusion, I thought. Unfortunately for millions of people, I was wrong.

Tragically, Maya, her brother and the New Orleans girl (I’m leaving her name unchecked because it’s a testimony to how little of a role she played in the season) were literally added for no discernible reason. Maya killed some people south of the border, her brother died like a chump and NOgirl got Niki killed. OK, so maybe New Orleans girl was in it for a reason. I’m sure I’m not alone in considering Niki the worst character in the series. Back to my point. I kept thinking that these three were added for some grand reason. Would NOgirl learn an ability that saves everyone? Would Maya kill millions? Nope. In fact, the New Orleans plot line couldn’t have been less connected from the rest of the Heroes.

Then there’s the reliance on old tricks. My favorite part of season one was seeing how Isaac’s paintings would come to fruition. The paintings threw us a few curveballs and rewarded faithful viewers with surprises. Similarly, Hero and Peter’s time-hopping put the apocalyptic future in perspective. This go around… more of the same. Big surprise, Isaac somehow painted a crateload of paintings that magically only have to do with things happening over four months after his death. I’m actually expecting a NEW crate to be discovered shortly before the next season starts. Snooze.

Speaking of old tricks, can there please be one disaster not caused by this mysterious group of old people? Depending on the first few episodes of the new season, Heroes should likely be renamed “Our parents are jerks.” I’m itching for a real supervillan (like Sylar was inches from becoming S1) or some real reason to root for the good guys. I’m going to scream if the next season ends with Peter looking confused, about to destroy millions of people because he’s naive and controlled by someone from an older generation — Just like the last two did.

And please, no more “threatening to go public.” Pointing out that no one in the general populace has noticed that roughly one-third of the people around them have superpowers and are constantly blowing things up is both boring and insulting to my intelligence.

To close, here’s a short list of things I want out of the new season:
-Kill some characters. There, I said it. What with people going around injecting Claire and Adam’s blood all willy-nilly, no one really seemed to die this season. I fully expect Nathan to pop back to life soon, just like Mr. Bennett and Maya, which would bring the death toll for main characters to…one? Two, if you count DL, who got brought back to life after his heroic death in S1 just to be killed by a scumbag for no reason. Niki bit the dust, and it was about time. Kill off some of these folks that are dragging the plot down. I don’t care what Mohinder is feeding Molly. I don’t care what the Irish girl is doing (which is apparently being stuck in the future… Someone should go get her). Kring, take some risks. Lost killed my favorite character and I’ll still be tuning in!

-Pick up the pace
I often tell people that Lost is the only show that makes me pissed to be a fan. However, I’ve got to give it to the writers; each show is a great way to sprinkle in new facts while toying me along. I’ve frequently gasped out loud and had to call friends at the episode’s conclusions. With Heroes I more commonly find myself saying “Maybe next week’s will be better.” I’m not asking for much, just cut down on the exposition and sprinkle it throughout. I can’t sit through one more scene with Mohinder at a microscope.

-Get over the mysterious guild of old people I thought this season would get it out of their systems, but apparently not. They get less mysterious and less interesting every episode. Just show us Mrs. Pettrelli’s power and move on to something else. Plus the more they’re explored, the more they seem like less of wise masterminds and more of the kind of wimpy kids running around in Heroes. I’m more afraid of Bob at this point, and that’s saying something. I miss Linderman and I miss Sylar. Hell, give me a monster or nu-mutant; anything to get past these old people!

-Ditch the soap opera dialogue
With lines like Claire’s tearful “I’m just a cheerleader” and Sylar’s faux-creepy “I’m back!” (the last line of S2), Heroes has become more soap opera than superhero.

Heroes, I still love you, but I’m starting to forget why.